GRAND RAPIDS, MI – In an effort to reach the hearts, minds, and wallets of millions of emotion-driven, biblically illiterate American Christians, Family Christian Bookstores has announced that it will begin selling a Bible/mood ring combination package, with a full blown Mood Ring Translation edition of the Word of God to follow in the fall.
“With American Christians more and more open about the way they interpret the Bible – or just flat out ignore huge portions of it – in light of their own pet traditions and mood swings, we thought the time was right to reach out to these folks and say, ‘Hey, we understand and appreciate you’,” explained Family Christian Bookstores Head of Marketing Joseph Isuzu. “And we want to be the business that you trust to give your self-absorbed, moody little heart the tools it needs to pursue its own selfish interests while pretentding to be Christian.”
“We know you don’t want the law or word of God in any kind of meaningful detail when it confronts your own idols, so just come on in to Family Christian, plunk down $24.95 plus tax, and we’ll hook you up with a Bible/mood ring combo that will meet your needs on your terms.”
“Isn’t that what American Christianity is all about?”
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