ST. LOUIS, MO – Conservative Christians across America’s heartland are counting on more Founding Fathers coverage to somehow, some way compensate for public schools’ open dismissal of Jesus Christ as the Author and Definer of math, language, logic, art, economics, philosophy, and every other subject supposedly being taught.
“Obviously, in American public schools we can’t acknowledge, much less obey, Jesus as God in any way, shape, or form,” explained Mable Lemming-O’Tool, a self-described progressive transgender witch and long-serving principal at St. Louis’ Damien Thorn Elementary School. “That’s for Sunday School. Not public school. In public school, we obviously can’t elevate any particular god above the American State. We have to keep Jesus in his place, which is of course alongside all the other gods of all other religions.”
“Buddha, Allah, Satan, Jesus, SpongeBob…whatever. It’s all the same. The important part is keeping them all equally under the authority of the State. That’s probably the most fundamental truth we plant in the minds of millions of precious children in American State-run classrooms each and every day, and it’s so subtly done that people don’t even notice.”
“So bring on the Founding Fathers as far as I’m concerned,” added Lemming-O’Tool. “If that’s what it takes to keep Christians feeling comfortable about feeding their kids to the State for education, then it’s well worth the trouble.”
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