LANSING, MI – Last weekend American Satanists gathered at state capitols across the nation to openly proclaim their gratitude to Moloch, Lucifer, Hillary Clinton and any other wannabe god they could think of to thank for America’s embrace of a thoroughly satanic approach to the concept of religious liberty.
“Without American Christians buying into the notion that people are free to openly worship Satan, Allah, or whatever other demonic anti-Christ figure they like, we wouldn’t be here today,” proclaimed Damien Deathbringer, spokesperson for the Michigan wing of the Temple of Satan movement, which now has franchises in 35 states and, of course, the District of Columbia. “We just want to take this opportunity to say thank you to American Christians for keeping their God and His Word out of civil government, allowing us to openly petition for the gates of hell to be opened and what’s left of American culture to be completely covered in darkness.”
“For whatever reason – and believe me, we’re not complaining – American Christians have for generations now embraced an approach to religious liberty openly at odds with what their God couldn’t have stated more plainly in the Bibles they claim to adore…but apparently don’t actually read,” mused a laughing Deathbringer to the cheers of the assembled group of open, legally protected American devil worshippers. “It’s kinda like those Ten Commandments monuments and plaques that these people say they treasure but have no intention of actually reading and obeying in political practice.”
“So thank you, American Christians!”
“Thank you for ignoring your God so that we can openly worship and work on behalf of ours.”
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