CHARLOTTE, NC – In keeping with its tradition of mimicking the culture in the most shallow, immaturity-perpetuating ways, Steven Furtick’s Elevation megachurch is hoping to capitalize on the adult coloring book craze sweeping the culture by releasing a version of it’s cult classic children’s coloring book for adult members of the Steven Furtick Elevation family.
Loyal adult members of Furtick’s Elevation who were bummed and felt left out a couple of years ago when Elevation’s Cult of Steven Furtick Coloring Book for children first burst onto the scene can finally get in on the cult of personality enabling fun.
“I’ve been waiting for this for years,” said 23-year-old, longtime Furtick Elevation member Olivia DeYoung between sobs with tears of joy running down her face. “The opportunity to actually color in pictures of Pastor Steven like a child is something I’ve been praying for since the day after I first heard him preach on…whatever it was he preached on.”
When asked what changes would be made from the original children’s version to accommodate adult members of Furtick’s Elevation, product launch spokesperson Amy Templeton clarified that, “There will be no changes, other than the adult version having the words ‘for adults’ added to the title and printed on the cover.”
“Here at Furtick’s Elevation, we encourage all of our people to have the blind trust and unquestioning obedience of a properly brainwashed child.”
“Happy coloring!”
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