WASHINGTON, DC – The Clinton campaign has released an official statement from Dr. Evil confirming her both her pneumonia diagnosis as well as her “lightning fast, awe-inspiring recovery”, thus settling the issue and rendering any negative speculation or concern about Hillary’s honesty, health, coherence, leadership or electability to be “without any basis in fact or science”, according to various reports from ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, CNN, The New York Times and The Washington Post.
The legendary doctor also released a video describing the former Secretary of State’s leadership skills as “breathtaking” while referencing her pneumonia diagnosis in a manner that included him consistently making air-quotes around the word “pneumonia” before laughing diabolically and winking at the camera.
“If there’s one thing that I know as an Evil Doctor, it’s that Hillary Clinton is exactly what America needs and deserves,” noted Dr. Evil. “Not that Trump would be bad either, but you get my meaning.”
“And if there’s another thing that I know, it’s that anyone disputing my professional medical opinion is either a crackpot conspiracy theorist or some sort of knuckle-dragging member of the vast right-wing conspiracy,” Evil added while placing air-quotes around “vast right-wing conspiracy”.
“Questioning Hillary’s pneumonia diagnosis is like questioning global warming.”
“You just don’t go there.”
“The issue has been settled.”
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