WASHINGTON DC – The US Department of Education has issued a warm, comforting reminder to all Christian parents that, despite the Department having a long history of actively and aggressively assaulting biblical truth in the most obvious and flagrant of ways, everything’s really okay and Christians should keep feeding their children to the State for immersion and instruction in an explicitly anti-Christian approach to life and reality.
Christian parents have long made noise about the many problems with the State-run anti-Christian approach to children’s education to which the vast majority of them freely ship their little children, yet rarely have their concerns motivated them to actually remove their little ones from daily immersion in a system built upon the serpent’s approach to the pursuit of knowledge as described in Genesis 3.
But with rampant teaching of Islam and even witchcraft from a “neutral” – and sometimes even positive – perspective and the Department of Education’s open support of the LGBT movement, some Christian parents are having a harder time justifying continued support of a system that seems more clearly satanic by the second.
In response to this building tension, acting Secretary of Education John King is leading a massive taxpayer funded public relations charge to comfort and encourage Christians to set aside all that their Bibles say on the subject of children’s education and just keep right on feeding their kids to the State.
“Just move along,” said King. “There’s nothing to see here. We’re only doing what we’ve always done. We’re as committed as ever to the All-American idea that you can – and must – set aside the Word of God while pursuing and applying knowledge in the real world, and you do want your children to be successful here in the real world, don’t you? Of course you do!”
“So just keep handing ’em over. They’re completely safe with us.”
“We just need one or two more generations of compliant Christian parents to get where we want to take the culture through a State-managed satanic approach to children’s education.”
“So hang in there! We’re almost to Utopia.”
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