WASHINGTON, DC – With Republican and Democrat Party nominations effectively locked up by Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, Satan is already claiming complete victory in the coming November election and openly acknowledging that he is “totally cool” with either Trump or Clinton becoming President.
“It’s a can’t lose situation for me, obviously,” admitted the Lord of Darkness. “Who knew it could get so delightfully dark and so morally corrupt this quickly in America?
“Well, I did, actually,” Satan added with a smile.
“And who knew that politically active evangelicals could be so thoroughly manipulated again and again and again to help march the culture deeper into darkness and closer to hell?”
“Me again.”
“I never doubted it for a second.”
“I’ve been pimping this ‘lesser of two evils’ deal for a while now, and most evangelicals are still swilling it down like Kennedys at an open bar,” the Devil added. “Thankfully, there’s no indication that’s about to change any time soon.”
“So pick your poison and enjoy the ride down, America.”
“As long as you keep choosing only from the options that I give you, it’ll all be good.”
“As I define ‘good’, of course.”
Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.
Thanks!
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.
