OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – After defending the “God-given rights” of Muslims to build mosques and openly worship Allah in America, the Southern Baptist Convention’s (SBC) political arm is now defending the “God-given right” of Satanists to stage a Black Mass on city property in Oklahoma City.
“As Southern Baptists we have to be consistent and true to our vision of religious liberty,” explained an SBC spokesman on condition of anonymity as to avoid potential church discipline for advocating such a wildly unbiblical notion of religious liberty. “We have to support what our wise leader Russell Moore calls ‘soul freedom for everyone’, which means that we have to support the freedom of all people to publicly worship any false god they like, including Allah or even The Devil himself, no matter what any particular God or Bible may have to say on the matter.”
“After all, isn’t that what religious liberty is all about?”
Oklahoma Satanists voiced appreciation for the SBC’s support, with local Satanic Temple leader Damien Baalberry describing the Southern Baptist position as “delightfully dismissive of Scripture and the lordship of Christ”.
“Just when you think American Christians can’t get any more idiotic, they find a way to prove you wrong,” explained Baalberry. “These people arguably think less of the lordship of Jesus than we do. It’s pretty awesome.”
“So thank you for your support, Southern Baptists. We couldn’t be doing what we’re doing in America without your suicidally stupid support.”
“Hail Satan!”
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