HEMPSTEAD, NY – A recent wave of creepy clown sightings across the country culminated in 90 minutes of extreme horror on a grand scale as two of the creepiest clowns yet participated in a televised debate that was carried live by many networks and streamed online by scores of websites and social media platforms.
“There was nowhere to hide. The clowns were everywhere,” sobbed Martha Fragileton of Ft. Smith, Arkansas, in one of thousands of Facebook threads started on Monday night by millions of Americans who were thoroughly creeped out by the seemingly inescapable creepy clown debate. “They just kept talking and talking and saying one embarrassingly stupid thing after another.”
One of the creepiest aspects of the clown debate was the way both clowns repeatedly attempted to lure listeners into following them by offering them “free stuff” of one kind or another.
“The part was particularly disturbing to me was the way that the clowns kept trying to lure people into their camp by offering them things,” noted psychologist Frederick Frankenstein in a column written for The New York Post after the creepy clown debate. “The way that these two unnervingly narcissistic clowns just kept going on and on about all of the things they were going to build for us or give to us or do for us just seemed very suspicious, sick, and weird.”
“It was like they were rolling down the street in creeper vans trolling for vulnerable children by holding lollipops out the window.”
“Then again, I guess that’s just how government works in America these days.”
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