NEW YORK, NY – Despite Donald Trump’s victory over Hillary Clinton in Tuesday’s presidential election, the world has not yet exploded as was emphatically predicted by CNN, MSNBC, CBC, NBC, ABC, NPR, and most talking heads employed by corporate-owned media.
“Any minute now, we fully expect the world to literally explode into a ball of flames before shattering into a gajillion pieces,” explained Dr. Egbert Lemming while contributing to a panel of “experts” on MSNBC’s election night coverage just after the network was forced to finally call Pennsylvania for Trump.
“Yes, there can be no doubt about it whatsoever now: With Mr. Trump likely to secure at least 270 electoral votes, the world will certainly explode any minute now,” added Dr. Lemming before sliding under the panel’s table, curling into the fetal position, and weeping like a frightened little girl while sucking his thumb and asking for his “binky”.
As of Thursday morning, Dr. Lemming was still sitting there crying hysterically while waiting for the world to blow up, which he still insists “will absolutely, positively happen any second now”.
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