OAKLAND, CA – In a heartwarming display of peace, love, tolerance and a commitment to the principles of democracy that they claim to adore, hordes of American Progressive activists have responded to Donald Trump’s thumping of Hillary Clinton in Tuesday’s presidential election by taking to the streets to burn, loot, pillage and destroy.
In what many are describing as the most tragi-comedic, hypocritical, rage- and emotion-fueled poutfest in modern American history, roving gangs of “loving Progressives” are making it plain that they simply will not tolerate anyone who disagrees with their definition of tolerance.
“We can’t allow the forces of hate and intolerance to exist in America,” noted Love Trumps Hate activist Dweezil Weedhead, a 28-year-old unemployed aspiring actor from Los Angeles, while lighting a Molotov Cocktail during ongoing protests in Oakland.
“We have to take a stand for love, peace, and tolerance,” Weedhead added while hurling the flaming bomb into a nearby Starbucks. “In the name of all that is good, loving, kind, and tolerant, America must be purged of all dissent immediately!”
While some observers have been shocked by the stark-raving insanity and hypocrisy of so many intellectually vacant, emotion-enslaved Progressive drones, others have been less surprised.
“I guess adult coloring books and Play-Doh-equipped safe spaces just aren’t cutting it anymore,” speculated 27-year-old James Livingston of Seattle while watching gangs of Love Trumps Hate activists threaten, scream, and crash through business windows during downtown protests. “But can we really be surprised? I mean, did we ever really think that these people had a clue or care about anything resembling true love, true kindness, and true tolerance?”
Before Livingston could finish his thought, he was assaulted and set on fire by two self-described “Anarchists for Love”.
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