SEATTLE, WA – In an effort to unite Seattleites behind a progressive vision for the future that requires the systematic rewriting of history, city officials have decided to remove a statue of Jefferson Davis in order to make room for yet another statue of Vladimir Lenin.
“This is just one step toward a future free of bigotry and inequality,” explained Seattle Mayor Ivana Chavez-Castro to throngs of supportive ignoramuses gathered at a ceremonial beheading of the Davis statue. “Together we will replace every questionable statue in the land with a wonderful, inspiring representation of Lenin, Che, Chairman Mao, or any of the many other fine revolutionary heroes who’ve put their stamp on humanity, usually in the shape of a boot, thus making plain their commitment to equality and progress.”
When one oddball in the audience asked Mayor Chavez-Castro about the unmatched track record of human murder and misery that was left in Lenin’s wake as a direct result of the Communism he advocated, costing hundreds of millions of people their lives in the twentieth century alone, the Seattle leader just sort of stood there and fumed for a moment before explaining that, “Jefferson Davis is a symbol of evil that we simply cannot tolerate.”
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