CLEVELAND, OH – Increasingly desperate and unhinged Republican Party elites are making a last ditch plea for Gandalf the Grey to avert what currently appears to be Donald Trump’s inexorable march to the GOP nomination.
“We’re definitely looking for a ‘You shall not pass!’ moment here,” explained Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus while dressed as a poor, frightened little Hobbit at a hastily arranged press conference set on a stage mimicking burning Shire scenes from The Lord of the Rings. “We need you, Gandalf! The Republican Party needs you! America needs you!”
“Please save us!”
When asked for a response to the GOP’s pathetic, self-serving groveling, representatives for Gandalf explained that, “While he certainly appreciates, and at times enjoys, the gravity of the situation, and while he is committed to always protecting good people from forces of darkness and evil, in this instance it appears that the wisest course of action is to simply allow things to unfold as they are without intervention.”
“The Republican Party and Donald Trump totally deserve each other. Gandalf has no intention of keeping them apart.”
“Besides, if Donald Trump and the GOP really do destroy one another when they finally meet in Cleveland at the Party convention, would that really be a bad thing?”
“Think about it.”
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