ASPEN, CO – Five-year-old Melinda Graves, one of many adorable little students at one of Aspen’s premier public kindergartens, recently called home from school to try and explain to her Christian parents why the “salt and light” rational that they used to justify sending her there was “really, really dumb”.
“I don’t think I can do what you say I can do,” the sweet, desperate little girl is reported to have said during a late-spring emergency phone call home after having spent nearly a year immersed in Bible-dismissing worldview training while trying to be what her parents call ‘salt and light’ to the adult staff and administration members of the school, each of whom have been thoroughly programmed for their entire lives to embrace and promote pagan, secular philosophies of education lifted directly from the serpent’s tongue in Genesis 3. “I know you think I’m smart and strong and won’t end up like all of the teachers you gave me over to, but I don’t think I ‘m that smart and strong yet.”
“This is really, really dumb,” Melinda added before crying like the little girl that she is and pleading for her two well-compensated, upwardly-mobile, hard-working and hard-playing professional parents to “do something” to save her.
“I don’t know why you put me here. Please bring me home before I believe what these teachers believe.”
Melinda’s call was then interrupted by notification that the voicemail inbox she was trying to reach was full, and that she should try again later.
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.