WASHINGTON, DC – The Bernie Sanders campaign is declaring victory, claiming that America has moved so quickly and so completely toward the Big Government Socialistic vision of its candidate that the Vermont Senator no longer even needs to run.
“Yeah, at this point, going on with the whole campaign thing would be kind of a waste of time,” explained Carla Marx, Sanders’ chief economic advisor. “With free cash for everyone, unemployment benefits that pay more than most jobs, and government on its way to buying up all private property through the Federal Reserve’s and Treasury Department’s mass creation of currency out of thin air, we’ve accomplished more than we could have ever even dreamt of just a few months ago. At this rate, the whole private sector will effectively be owned by the state within a year. 18 months, tops.”
“It seems like just yesterday that Modern Monetary Theory was being made fun of by almost every thinking person on the planet,” Marx continued. “But now the leaders of both major political parties seem to think it’s totally legit.”
“That’s what I call a total win.”