HOLLYWOOD, CA – With the once seemingly invincible Batman franchise now smoldering in post-Dawn of Justice ruins and his Daredevil-devastating stint a matter of public record, Ben Affleck says that he’s “just getting started” when it comes to personally pillaging and defiling the super hero icons that have inspired matchless joy in the hearts of young Americans for generations.
“If you think what I’ve done to Batman and Daredevil is something special,” noted Affleck during a recent Comic-Con panel discussion, “Then hang on tight, ’cause you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”
“I really want to help as many of these beloved characters as possible to finally get real and find their dark, edgy, Affleck side,” elaborated Affleck to the shocked gasps and mournful weeping of assembled Comic-Con masses. “I think that the more darkness, edginess, and shattering of traditional moral bounds – like, say, reverence for the sanctity of sex within marriage – the more of that we can bring into our super hero mythologies, the more we can move the culture in that direction through those mythologies.”
“The more we can get people to focus on awesome explosions, supercool effects, space-age tech, waving capes and stuff while subtly slipping in those dark, edgy, immoral themes, the better.”
“So look out, super hero world. Here I come!”
“Prepare to be Afflecked.”
Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.