Home Illuminati Richard Simmons Choreographs Bizarre, Baphomet-Themed Swiss Tunnel Inauguration

Richard Simmons Choreographs Bizarre, Baphomet-Themed Swiss Tunnel Inauguration


ERSTFELD, SWITZERLAND – As if last week’s bizarre, Baphomet-themed ceremony inaugurating the Gotthard Base Tunnel under the Swiss Alps wasn’t creepy and weird enough already, multiple reports now confirm that America’s own Richard Simmons, the confused androgynous mastermind behind such iconic hits as Sweatin’ To The Oldies, was also responsible for choreographing the clearly Illuminati-sponsored production.

The surreal, satanic ceremony made waves last week after recorded footage revealed numerous over-the-top exhibitions of luciferian symbolism, including a dancing emcee dressed up as a “goat-man” or Baphomet-like figure who was the object of worship throughout much of the production and eventually proclaimed to be “the king of the world”.

When asked about his involvement in such a clearly sinister, evil-exalting production, Simmons seemed unconcerned and typically flighty.

“Did you see those goat horns? Weren’t they fabulous?” asked Simmons during a brief interview after the show. “And that demonic angel thing flying over the crowd? Wasn’t it just awesome?!”

“I’m just so glad to have had this opportunity,” Simmons added while tearing up and beginning to cry like the little girl he often imagines himself to be. “It’s not every day you get to play such a central role in dedicating the longest, deepest, and most expensive tunnel project in history to Satan.”

“Yay me!”

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