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Baal Prophets’ “Feelings Were Probably Hurt” By Elijah’s “Judgmental, Sarcastic Attitude”, Seminary Report Claims


BERKELEY, CA – The prophet Elijah “should have been ashamed of his judgmental attitude and the sarcastic, mocking tone” that he took with the prophets of Baal, according to an academic report produced by a gaggle of seminary accredited “experts” gathered by the University of California for the purpose of bringing judgment against all judgments with which they disagree and casting any opposition to their judgment as “arrogant”, “mean”, and “unacceptable”.

The report, entitled “There’s No Place For Judgment And Sarcasm In Christianity (Unless It’s Our Judgment And Sarcasm)”, singled out some of the many biblical examples of harsh, confrontational approaches to communication clearly applied by various prophets, apostles, and even Jesus. The prophet Elijah’s famous encounter with the prophets of Baal as recorded in 1 Kings 18 drew down particularly fiery judgment from several of the passive-aggressive, hypocritically judgmental academics who authored the report.

“I just can’t get over the way that Elijah talked to those poor little prophets of Baal,” moaned Dr. Patricia Snivelton in frustration during a panel discussion in which co-authors of the report took turns judgmentally whining and complaining about the judgment and communication practices of the prophets, apostles, and Jesus. “He seems to have had no respect whatsoever for them or for their god! How disgraceful!”

“Clearly they were hurting, what with the way they were cutting themselves as they desperately tried to summon the demon-god they loved so. There was obviously great need – a burning desire, if you will – for affection and affirmation. What a great opportunity for a group hug!”

“But oh no, instead of that Elijah sarcastically mocks and slaughters them all.”

Dr. Phil would never do that!”

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