WASHINGTON, DC – The recently launched presidential campaign for “Giant Meteor 2016”, featuring the tagline “Just End It Already”, has already overtaken Hillary Clinton in several daily tracking polls, according to a report released today by Real Clear Politics (RCP).
At 22%, Giant Meteor is three points ahead of Hillary, who averages 19% in the polls used to calculate the Real Clear Politics tracking number upon which many experts measure the current state of the campaign. Donald Trump, who scores 27% in the RCP average, maintains a five point edge over Giant Meteor, but considering the fact that the Giant Meteor campaign only began sometime last week, momentum clearly seems to favor the campaign to “Just End It Already”.
Satan, who jumped into the race in May by cleverly and quite credibly marketing himself as “the least of three evils”, currently sits atop the RCP average with 32%. Although he enjoys a solid lead over Trump, Clinton, and Giant Meteor, The Devil isn’t taking anything for granted.
“It’s hard not to notice the way that Giant Meteor blew by Clinton and is closing in fast on Trump,” noted Lucifer from his DC headquarters under the west wing of the White House. “But, at the end of the day, I expect to be pushed hard by the Giant Meteor campaign. Not so much Trump and Clinton, of course. They’re just window dressing. And let’s face it, they agree with me on all the fundamentals anyway. Why settle for The Donald or The Hillary when you can just cut to the chase and go straight to The Devil instead, am I right?”
“You know I am.”
“So that’s my pitch, and I expect it to play quite well come election day,” added Satan while sipping a sweet tea and browsing Drudge Report headlines on his iPhone. “While I completely understand and respect what the Meteor campaign stands for, I’m confident that my message will prevail in the end.”
“And besides, let’s be honest: The minute Giant Meteor launched its campaign we all knew it would come down to the two of us.”
“These races always end up boiling down to a choice between the equivalents of Satan and a giant meteor.”
Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.