WASHINGTON, DC – President Trump has signed an executive order authorizing the sale of personalized vanity bricks to be used in the construction of a massive wall along the U.S. border with Mexico. These building blocks for a new wall planned to run along the US/Mexico border will be of slightly larger than normal size and will allow for the inclusion of brief, Tweet-sized thoughts along with the names of those sponsoring the bricks in question.
Since announcing plans for the vanity bricks late last night at the White House web site, the response has been “yuge” and “absolutely amazing” according to one highly placed member of the Trump administration who requested anonymity in order to avoid “any more unfortunate misunderstandings that I, um, I mean President Trump, might be somehow against the people of Mexico, which I, I mean he, absolutely is not”.
The 148 character accommodating bricks are available for a donation of $99 or more to the Great Wall Of American Greatness project.
With tens of thousands of personalized brick orders already processed and paid for, the Trump administration is confident that it will be able to fund the Great Wall project entirely through a combination of brick-related donations and hardball negotiations with and/or waterboarding of the Mexican government.
With messages like “Keep your lazy, greedy mitts off my Social Security, public school funding, and welfare state entitlements!” and “Get your own Medicare, Medicaid, and disability!” setting the tone for the 75,000+ vanity bricks that have already been sold, the Great Wall of American Greatness will apparently serve multiple purposes ranging from basic border security to a sort of 2,000+ mile long billboard proclaiming the American people’s resolve to protect their government’s massive confiscation and redistribution of wealth from being improperly accessed by illegal aliens.
In order to facilitate easy access to this unique opportunity, the Great Wall Of American Greatness project will accept vanity brick payments in the form of food stamp benefits, unemployment benefits, Social Security benefits, disability benefits, Medicare benefits, Medicaid benefits, federally funded student loan benefits, rent subsidy benefits, farm subsidy benefits, and public school “free” lunch/breakfast benefits.
Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.