Two Corinthians and Donald Trump walk into a bar…or make that a strip club. More specifically, the strip club in the Trump Taj Mahal casino, the first casino-housed strip club in America, opened by Trump in 2013.
The Donald says to the Corinthians, “I love liberty! Liberty is absolutely amazing! I love freedom! Freedom is absolutely amazing! That Bible verse on liberty and freedom in two Corinthians is absolutely amazing! I will restore freedom and liberty in America! I will make America great again!“
The Corinthians say to The Donald, “So you realize that the liberty and freedom referenced in second Corinthians 3:17 is the liberty and freedom not to sin, right?”
The Donald squints and looks a bit confused. “What do you mean, the freedom not to do something?”
The Corinthians elaborate, “Well Donald, all men are slaves to sin until and unless they are graced by God with a Spirit of brokenness, humility, repentance and restoration.”
The Donald seems surprised and a bit offended. “How can a man who’s been as successful as I have – and there have not been many men to ever be as successful as me, let me tell you – how can such a man be a slave? As for brokenness and humility, look, I’m a winner. I win. I am a very successful man. And I didn’t become the incredible success that I am by doing things that I regret. I don’t regret much at all, to be honest, and I certainly don’t feel broken or humiliated by the amazing things I’ve accomplished.”
“Like having this strip club open in your casino?” the Corinthians ask.
“Exactly! This is a fantastic strip club in an amazing casino. I have done very well with casinos. I know how to make a deal. I know how to win. I am a winner. I know how to make America great again!”
“Well Mr. Trump, it’s probably important to note at this point that the amount of money you’ve accumulated or the amount of property that you own is not necessarily an indicator of true wisdom or even true success.”
Trump is not pleased at this. “Let me tell you something about success, since, as you may know, I am one of the most successful people in the world and probably the most successful man to ever run for president. Success is winning. And I win. Success is making money. And I make money. Quite a lot of money, as I’m sure you’ve heard and I will repeat for you now: I am worth at least ten billion dollars. Success is knowing how to operate in the real world, and I know how to do that better than anyone. So please, and I mean this nicely, don’t tell me what success means. You just look foolish when you try to tell me what success is.”
The Corinthians, unshaken and unsurprised, calmly and respectfully reply, “So you don’t see your open admission and advocacy of extra-marital sexual activity, your regular “trading up” from one wife to the next, or your ownership of a casino with a strip club as things to repent of, but rather as things to boast of? You see these things as examples of your being a ‘winner’ in life and evidence of your success and unique ability to make the best decisions here in ‘the real world’?”
“I am a very successful man, yes, that is undeniably true. I mean, just look at this amazing building and this amazing club and these amazing dancers! And have you seen my amazing wife? I am a very successful man, there can be no doubt about that.”
“Well, Donald, that depends on how you define things like ‘success’, of course. Have you ever heard or read the passage that warns against gaining the whole world at the cost of one’s soul?”
“I’m not familiar with that one. Is that in three Corinthians or something?”
“No, Donald. It’s in Mark, actually. Here’s what it says:
[Jesus] said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?”
~ Mark 8:34-36 (emphasis added)
“Look,” responds a clearly agitated Donald, “I respect religion. I respect Jesus. I respect the deeply held personal beliefs of religious people. I really do. And, of course, and as you probably know, I am a Christian. But I know how to win. I am a winner. And I will make America great again! I know how to do what America needs done, and, let me tell you, many evangelicals understand this and are very excited about my running for President.”
“Yes, that much seems plain,” the Corinthians confirm. “There are probably a lot of professing evangelicals who don’t care that you own a casino with a strip club in it, and many of them would probably even be willing to work there if they thought it would clinch the White House for you.”
“Yes, I’m sure you’re right,” observed The Donald while striking a proud, confident pose.
“The evangelicals are definitely willing to dance for me…there’s nothing they won’t do to beat a Democrat.”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.