Home Politics “Kasich Fever” A Total Non-Threat, Doctors Say

“Kasich Fever” A Total Non-Threat, Doctors Say


ATLANTA, GA – “Kasich Fever” isn’t exactly catching fire, and according to a recent report frivolously composed by the CDC, we probably wouldn’t even notice if it was.

“Those suffering from Kasich Fever (KF) tend to have symptoms spike in the form of a very very mild headache and barely detectable fever running somewhere between 98.61 and 98.75 degrees,” noted Dr. Janice Woodson of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta. “The whole thing typically comes and goes in as little as 3-5 minutes’ time, though in extremely rare instances people have been known to find themselves in a KF-induced mini-fog long enough to actually drive to a polling place and vote before the ridiculously mild symptoms pass and unobstructed critical thought processes return to normal.”

A recently released CDC report on Kasich Fever entitled “KF: A Total Non-Threat To All But The Weakest Among Us”, dives deep into the utterly uninteresting, sleep-inducing details of the condition.

“Most people who contract KF never even notice that they have it,” Dr. Woodson added. “It really is that mild, non-threatening and unimpressive to all but the most weak and vulnerable of the most weak and vulnerable.”

Help Fuel Apocalyptic Satire

Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.


You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.