Home Politics Damien Thorn Considering Late Entry Into GOP Race

Damien Thorn Considering Late Entry Into GOP Race


WASHINGTON DC – Damien Thorn, billionaire anti-Christ businessman and subject of literary and film renditions of The Omen, Damien: Omen II, and The Final Conflict, is seriously considering a late jump into the GOP presidential race, according to insiders with knowledge of the inner workings of Thorn’s vast satanic business and political operations.

“Damien has been watching and waiting for a while now and, quite frankly, is almost beside himself with glee at how things have unfolded in the Republican race this year,” noted one Thorn confidant who required anonymity in order to speak freely and continue to live. “I think even Damien’s surprised at how quickly and completely GOP voters – especially the ‘Christian conservatives’ – have ditched any semblance of a biblical worldview and are now willing to grab onto anyone they think knows how to get a deal done and make things work in the real world. Who knows better how to operate unbiblically in the real world than billionaire anti-Christ businessman Damien Thorn?”

The tipping point for Thorn may have come when 2012 Republican nominee Mitt Romney recently made moves to shoe-horn himself back into relevance by critiquing current front-running billionaire anti-Christ businessman Donald Trump.

“Mitt Romney?! Yeah, the Romney thing sends Damien right off the deep end every time it comes up,” the Thorn insider confirmed. “The fact of Trump dominating the race and Romney desperately trying to crawl back onto the stage, while certainly humorous in ways that he can and does appreciate, all comes together to make a strong case for Damien finally just cutting out the middle men and taking the GOP reins himself.”

Help Fuel Apocalyptic Satire

Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.


You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.