TRANSYLVANIA, ROMANIA – In a move that has been described by some as “shocking” and others as “entirely predictable”, Planned Parenthood announced its acquisition of Castle Dracula for the purpose of making the fabled temple of horror its new headquarters.
The mass baby murdering operation plans to fund moving the castle brick by brick from Transylvania to Washington DC using taxpayer funds that are pretty much always available to the organization, no matter how many vile, repulsive crimes against the most innocent among us are chronicled in vivid detail.
“Obviously we’re quite pleased to bring this historic building and icon of terror from the dark magical forests of Eastern Europe to the darker magical nexus of Washington DC so that it can be our happy little home,” announced pasty white Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards at an elaborate Dracula themed press conference featuring taxpayer funded reenactments of scenes from various vampire films. “I can’t think of a better base of operations from which to continue our important work of securing and expanding the right to child sacrifice.”
“All on your dime, of course,” she added with a cackle.
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