LAS VEGAS, NV – Since self-identifying as a 130-pound woman and changing his name to “Fantasia”, Brock Lesnar has effortlessly dominated women’s mixed martial arts competition and is hoping to soon have the opportunity to fight, and likely kill, the best known actual women in the UFC and all other MMA promotions across the globe.
“I’m here to dominate and destroy any and all who would claim to be more woman than me,” growled the objectively male and objectively 280-pound-ish Lesnar while adjusting his powder pink wig with one hand and gesturing toward the new “Girl Power” tats adorning his gigantic, manly pectorals with the other. “I just hope you ladies remember to fill out your organ donor cards before climbing into the octagon with me!”
The gruesome display came shortly after Lesnar brutally crushed his third women’s MMA opponent in 12.4 seconds, ironically but not surprisingly sending her to the same intensive care unit that his first two women opponents now call home.
Lesnar is the latest high profile male athlete to begin pillaging women’s athletics after self-identifying as a woman. Floyd Mayweather, who took a similar path recently en route to securing numerous women’s boxing titles, is promoting Lesnar under his new “Girl Power” brand for men pretending to be women athletes.
“It’s just awesome to see my girl Fantasia doing the team proud this way,” mused Mayweather after Lesnar’s latest evisceration of an actual woman athlete. “It wasn’t long ago that nobody in their right mind would even consider putting a man pretending to be a woman in a ring or an octagon against an actual woman. Never in a million years.”
“But things have changed and the once unattainable dream of many men to literally beat women for gigantic paydays in front of thousands of screaming fans has finally arrived!”
“Ain’t progress beautiful?”
“It sure is!” agreed Fantasia with a wink and a smile.
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