WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to calm fears and address building concerns over Hillary Clinton’s health following a wave of severe seizures, the Clinton campaign is assuring voters not to worry, that there are no health issues to worry about, and that the seizures in question are just symptoms of “garden variety demonic possession.”
“With all the unfounded rumors swirling about Mrs. Clinton having some sort of health issue related to the seizures she’s obviously been having on the campaign trail, it’s important to set the record straight and let the voters of America know that there is no such health concern to worry about. Hillary is perfectly healthy,” explained Clinton’s personal physician Dr. Stephen Strangelove. “She’s just demonically possessed, that’s all.”
“No biggie.”
“These days, this sort of thing is fairly typical of all major political party nominees for President, so there’s nothing to worry about. Nothing to see here.”
“I hope this clarification helps us get back to discussing the real issues that matter to Americans, like defending our right to murder our own children, our right to legally marry our gay lover, and our right to openly worship any false god we like, including The Devil himself…who occasionally likes to jerk Mrs. Clinton’s chain and make her dance a little.”
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