SESAME STREET – Count von Count, the beloved counting vampire Muppet from Sesame Street, also known as “The Count” and “Count Count”, was pronounced “totally and completely dead” earlier this morning after attempting to keep up and count along with the National Debt Clock, which as of this morning had rocketed past the $19,410,000,000,000 mark.
“Someone got the idea that showing The Count the National Debt Clock in New York might be cool, so we pulled up a livestream of it as it rolled along in a blur,” explained a Sesame Street staffer on condition of anonymity. “He was completely spellbound for a few seconds before jumping in at around 19,410,000,000 and trying to keep up from there.”
“But it was just moving so fast he never had a chance,” added the staffer while choking up and beginning to weep. “And he couldn’t let it go. He just couldn’t stop.”
The Count reportedly seized up and passed out at around the $19,410,000,020 total debt mark, which amounts to $59,900 per US citizen and $162,300 per US taxpayer.
While initial reports held out hope for the count bouncing back from death since he is, or was, a vampire Muppet, confirmation later came that he was, and is, “totally and completely dead”.
Funeral arrangements are pending, with all expenses to be covered by PBS and added to the US Debt Clock accordingly.
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