WASHINGTON, DC – With millions of robots already unemployed and more rolling off the assembly line with each passing day, the White House has announced plans to help beleaguered automated workers fond jobs by supporting massive minimum wage hikes for human employees in the private sector.
“A hike to $15 in the human minimum wage will do exactly what needs to be done, namely: force employers to fire a lot of humans,” proclaimed White House senior economic adviser Dr. Rebecca Witless. “That ought clear some space for these poor, downtrodden robots.”
“We all know that the vast majority of minimum wage jobs are more effectively done by these machines,” added Dr. Witless. “So it only seems right to clear out the space necessary in the workforce to find a space for these productive, on-time, completely compliant and competent drones.”
“To that end, we are fully committed to a $15 or $20 or $25 or $100 minimum wage. Whatever it takes to get businesses to fire more people and hire more robots.”
“Viva la revolución!”
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