Home Politics Chicago Celebrates 2016 Gun Control Success With 500th “Gun-Free Zone” Homicide

Chicago Celebrates 2016 Gun Control Success With 500th “Gun-Free Zone” Homicide


CHICAGO, IL – With thirteen people shot to death in Chicagoland over Labor Day, “America’s largest gun free zone” has sailed past the 500 murder mark with nearly four months still remaining in the calendar year, making 2016 a banner year for government enabled thug domination of Chi-town.

“We would like to thank the many Progressive minded people and politicians of Chicago who’ve made this great feat possible,” gushed a statement from the White House in support of Chicago-style gun control laws being spread to every neighborhood and street corner across the America. “If it wasn’t for the tireless efforts of visionaries like Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, who knows how many of this year’s 500 Chicago area murder victims would have been able to defend themselves, thus adding to the culture of violence we’re working so hard to end in America.”

“Well done, Chicago!”

“At this rate, you have a real shot at setting the single year murder record while keeping the means of self-defense out of the hands of those being gunned down by the boatload. Way to go!”

“That said, we do apologize to those for whom “shot” was a trigger word in the previous paragraph, as well as to those for whom “trigger” is a trigger word in this one.”

Help Fuel Apocalyptic Satire

Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.


You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.