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Colleges To Offer Safe Places Within Safe Places


SEATTLE, WA – In an effort to coddle the egos and preserve the tuition payments of millions of Precious Snowflakes across America, more and more colleges are pledging to build safe places within the safe places they’ve already made available.

“You just can’t be safe enough,” explained one major Washington State college administrator on condition of anonymity for fear of…well…everything. “While some students might make themselves feel warm, safe, and fuzzy by sequestering themselves in a room together so they can color, cuddle, and build things out of Play-Doh, there are others who may feel threatened by things like the pointy colored pencils often used in conjunction with adult coloring books or the hostile shapes that can be crafted out of Play-Doh.”

“We have to take these concerns seriously,” added the administrator while pausing to clean his pacifier. “So having safe spaces within safe spaces makes perfect sense. We can’t go out of our way to coddle and shelter one set of adults while refusing to do the same for every other group who feels threatened by sharpened pencils or Play-Doh made into the shape of a gun.”

“That just wouldn’t be right.”

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