Home Politics NFL To Replace Kneeling Players With Flag Waving “RoboPatriots” Made In China

NFL To Replace Kneeling Players With Flag Waving “RoboPatriots” Made In China

NEW YORK, NY – The NFL has announced plans to replace any players who refuse to stand and sing the national anthem with robots who will wave the U.S. flag and sing patriotic songs on command.

The robots, dubbed “RoboPatriots” by the Chinese company that produces them, could see deployment as early as mid-November in select NFL markets.

“We couldn’t be more pleased with the NFL’s desire to make things right and get with the government program,” gushed Director Georgina Orwell of the U.S. Ministry of Truth and Patriotism. “What better way to encourage people to have a thoughtless, automatic, reflexive sort of love and respect for the flag than by enforcing it with the threat of replacement by a literal robot?”

Help Fuel Apocalyptic Satire

Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.


You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.