MADRID, SPAIN – Legendary Sith Lord and renowned enforcer of “law and order” Darth Vader has been recruited by Spanish officials to help explain the “illegality” of secession in light of Catalonia’s recent peaceful, democratic declaration of independence from Spain.
“What everyone needs to understand about the rebellion in Catalonia is that it is illegal no matter how many Catalans or duly elected Catalan officials support it,” explained the Dark Lord in a deep, serious tone while pointing menacingly into the cameras covering a hastily arranged press conference at the Spanish capitol. “It doesn’t matter if a majority of Catalans want independence. It doesn’t matter if most of their elected representative leaders want it. It doesn’t matter if 70%, 80%, 90%, or even 100% of them want it.”
When a reporter began to reference previous instances of similar “illegal” activity, like the United States’ Declaration of Independence in 1776, Vader cut off the question by force choking the reporter to death.
With the reporter’s body still twitching on the ground, Vader calmly asked if there were any more questions.
After thirty seconds of complete silence, the Dark Lord of Law and Order expressed his gratitude to “all obedient media professionals in attendance”, and his confidence that, with their help, “the Catalan rebellion will soon be crushed”.
Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.