ALPHARETTA, GA – According to recently released promotional materials, North Point Community Megachurch is very proud of the cold, business-like efficiency with which it splits up families immediately upon entry into any of its six facilities in the Metro Atlanta area.
“We understand the importance of splitting families up immediately in order to better train and instruct them in the North Point way,” boasts lead pastor Andy Stanley in a colorful, carefully crafted triple fold handout distributed to first time visiting families as they approach entrance points at any of the megachurch’s facilities. “This is why we’ve implemented what we call the ‘Three Step Rule’ here at North Point.”
“Our goal is to have children, youth, parents and any other old people who enter the building together separated into appropriate age segregated groups within three steps of them entering the building,” clarified a smiling Stanley in the festive, happy toned pamphlet. “By the time those kids and youth are three steps in, they are to be in the unsupervised hands of North Point Megachurch-minded professionals, and their parents are to be off who-cares-where, maybe sipping a hot Starbucks in any one of our many coffee bars while enjoying the freedom of abandoning their child parenting and training duties to strangers that they just met seconds ago and don’t really know at all.”
“So it’s a win-win for everyone…but especially for North Point.”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.