Home Politics Death Star Orbits Cleveland As GOP Convention Nears

Death Star Orbits Cleveland As GOP Convention Nears


CLEVELAND, OH – With the Republican Party National Convention in Cleveland fast approaching, a Death Star has taken position in geostationary orbit directly above the city.

“We’re not really sure what to make of it, other than it probably isn’t a good sign,” said Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson. “People were already on edge about the whole Trump nomination fight coming to a head here, but we’re used to painful, long-running trainwreck scenarios. If we can endure Johnny Manziel and the Browns, we can surely handle Trump and a Death Star.”

But not all Cleveland area residents are as optimistic as Mayor Jackson.

Janice Partee, a homemaker in nearby Lakewood, noted that she is “really freaked out” and “not sure how this is even possible”.

“I mean, I didn’t even think the Death Star was real,” added the clearly distressed mother of three. “But then again, who thought anything as insane and irrational as a Trump presidency could be real just a few months ago?”

Yet as time goes on, the nerves of many are settling as they come to grips with the new normal of life in Cleveland.

“Waking up to a Death Star hovering over your head isn’t exactly the most comfortable way to start a day, but you get used to it after a while,” added downtown steel worker Greg Porter. “Kind of like the thought of Trump actually becoming President.”

Help Fuel Apocalyptic Satire

Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.


You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.