CALHOUN, GA – Members of a local church are actively rooting for the culture to go to hell around them as quickly as possible so that Jesus will quickly return to rapture them away to a state of eternal peace, bliss, and laziness.
“It’s all only gonna get worse anyway,” explained long time Faith Temple member Ethyl Crabtree. “So why fight it? More importantly, if Jesus is only coming back after the culture completely implodes and pretty much everything is covered in darkness, then why wouldn’t we as the church do everything we can to speed that process up?”
“I mean, do we want Jesus to come quickly or don’t we?!”
In order to help speed up the death of anything good remaining in the culture around them and thus ensure as early a rapture as possible, Faith Temple members have been encouraged to actively avoid bringing the light of the true Gospel in any detail into the realms of business, economics, law, civil government or children’s education.
“Just keep it simple,” said Harold Cramping, Faith Temple’s head pastor. “Our gospel is all about getting people saved while everything else goes to hell around them. That’s what we’re all about here at Faith Temple, and that’s why we’re so glad to see the world burning and blowing up all around us.”
“Seeing the culture immersed in perversion and dying a horrible death before our eyes is proof that our gospel is doing its thing.”
“And soon – very soon, if we have anything to say about it – it’ll all be over and we’ll be outta here! Hallelujah!”
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