WASHINGTON, DC – In a move that has shocked and horrified advocates for the obliteration of actual manhood and actual womanhood, President Trump has announced a ban that will prevent pretend men and pretend women from serving in the armed forces of the United States.
“We just felt like the military needs of America were far better served by having actual men and women as opposed to fake ones in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines,” explained Captain William B. Obvious, spokesman for the Department of Defense’s newly formed Department of Explaining Reality Redundantly to Retarded Radicals (DERRRR). “It’s not really any more complicated than that.”
When asked during a press conference announcing the ban how this change would impact the feelings of pretend men and women who have their profoundly confused minds and precious little snowflake hearts set on doing whatever they want to do without regard for objective truth or reality, Captain Obvious noted that, “The feelings of people who are disturbed to the point that they will mutilate their own bodies, shoot up some hormones, and think that they’ve actually changed their gender, however precious those feelings may be, cannot be the primary concern of the US military. They can’t even make the top ten list. Or the top ten thousand list, to be honest.”
“When we say things like, ‘We want a few good men’, we actually mean real men, ” continued Captain Obvious.
“Not fake ones.”
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